Saturday, April 17, 2010


 I'm the best procrastinator I know. I do things that need to be done like clean out the frig. It just don't need to be done right now. Right now I should be making signs for my exhibit and getting all the hanging rods made. Don't worry I won't wait until the last possible second to do this as I would have done when I was younger. I just think mentally I'm just not ready and the pull to be outside enjoying spring is strong. Last night I finally admitted to myself  that my lack of movement has to do with an underlining fear that no one is going to show up for the opening of my mask exhibit.  This revelation is in part due to working once again at being more mindful which also means slowing down. You can't be mindful at warp speed.  I remember the first time I read the Zen proverb --"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." Finding meaning in ordinary tasks made me happier, less resentful, lighter.  I love having a really clean sink in my kitchen. Weird maybe and true. 

A few days ago I came across a quote by Kathleen Norris, a Benedictine oblate and author that I think has the Zen quote beat. "You'll have to wake up tomorrow just like you did today. If you despise repetition, what you're really saying is that you despise life itself." Pretty powerful statement.
For me, I want to make sure that I'm paying attention. Not as easy a task as it might seem. The drawing was done by my youngest, son, Nathaniel in 1988 when he was not just 4. It's of me. I love that he gave me a big smile.  Isn't life grand!

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