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| Mending a Broken Heart (from one of the workshops I teach) |
I lost the friendship of another. Her bipolar disease making it just too difficult to maintain. My husband's job has been eliminated. The quilt store and bead store that I loved and frequented have both closed. All of this has caused me to think about letting some things in my life go.
Interesting that I have also had conversations about this topic with friends (ages late 20s to early 70s) and even a clerk at Trader Joe's. One friend is struggling to let go of someone he loves who does not love him back. I feel his pain. Another friend is struggling with a house full of things that her parents could not let go including the first electric blanket (not usable and full of mouse poop) they ever bought. I can relate and know I don't want to leave my children with this kind of burden. I have asked about how this shedding has made them feel- tense, cranky, restless and vulnerable have been the answers.
Shedding is a natural consequence of growth. Deer shed their antlers. Snakes shed their skin. Animals shed their fur. We shed our entire epidermal layer every 29.5 days. We replace all our cells every seven years. We are constantly letting go of the old as we create the new so why is letting go of other things so difficult? I wish I could say that shedding outworn activities and aspects of my self were easy. It is not. I truly understand why change is so difficult and often stressful. Change makes our new "skins" feel tender and vulnerable, the old ones, with its familiar scars and weather worn bumps, seem more comfortable. So I am spending a lot of time thinking and writing in my journal. Some decisions have been easy like ending the heARTist Trading Card group. It had run its course and accomplished its purpose. Other things are much more difficult and I am willing to take the time to figure it out.
What do you need to shed now? How did you know that you were done?
I so feel your pain at this time of year. I have the very same issues!
ReplyDeleteThank you. It's always good to know that one is not alone. Hugs.
DeleteI fully empathise with your view of the Fall season. I find it very difficult every year as the seasons change. You have had a particularly tough year and I'm sorry for the loss of your MIL. My MIL had Alzheimers and my own mom has dementia too but happily is still with us altho in a care home. At 61 years of age I am feeling an urgent need to declutter my life, including my creative life and to focus on what is important to me and mine. Having had to clear two homes for elderly relatives and friends I do not want my family to have a mountain to clear for me. I think we come to a slow realisation that something has to be let go, that the time is right to move on and move past. Maybe it's good to consider and regroup. I wish you luck with your changes. (And yes, clearing out made and makes me angry, frustrated, resentful and emotional. Not pretty emotions but probably necessary).
ReplyDeleteJulie, Thank you. Sorry to hear you are in the same place. Hugs.
DeleteKaren, you're definitely not alone in your struggle with depression. I'm struggling now as the weather in the Northwest has entered its gray season, which will go on with little sunshine until around May. I try to get exercise, do yoga, meditate (with not much success), and sew a little each day whether I'm motivated or not. Don't ever feel you're alone.
ReplyDeleteMany of us struggle with the fall season - yours truly included. Adding SAD to the list so many share . . . my creative work this time of years tends to be smaller and less grand, more about process than production. We have been slowly de-cluttering for several years for the reason already given by others. If we haven't used it in 5 years, it can most likely leave the premises. It is okay to let go of things and memories (the painful ones). All we can do is all we can do - one day at a time. Take care and be sure to get some of the daylight light bulbs for your favorite lamps/work spaces to help you with the longer hours of darkness. They really do help.
ReplyDeleteLike others, I struggle with this time of year (mixing SAD with the history of losses and the non-daylight-savings-time darkness). I've found that the special daylight light bulbs really do help with the physicality of darkness. We have been de-cluttering and donating for a couple of years now. It felt odd at first but now we have a much easier (less emotional) time with it. If we haven't used things in the last 5-10 years, they can most likely go. After a while, it feels better - more open, more space to breathe, and less to clean/dust/move about. Take care - editing of things and memories is well worth the effort.
ReplyDeleteI also get the SAD thing this time of year. It starts on 9-11 and then gets worse when husband died in late Sept. in 2005. I recently lost my Aunt Mary, youngest sibling of my daddy. Uncle Chuck is three years older than Mary, but has Alzheimer's, so I really don't have any Aunts nor Uncles left. My mother and her siblings all had short lives.
ReplyDeleteKaren, you know that I have been wanting to clean up my clutter, but some health problems are keeping me from it.
Hugs, Miss Karen, for a great post.
Love you!
DeleteWhen all we have to look forward to for the next three or four months is grey, grey and more grey, it is hard to put anything into calm perspective. Letting go and moving on is part of a healthy life but this is the wrong time of year to make decisions. I hunker down and aim to survive the winter, anything else can wait until spring. De-cluttering is always more pleasureable when the sun is shining.
ReplyDeleteWendy, Do more than hunker. Join me in trying to do something fun instead. Hugs.
DeleteWhat a beautiful essay! I too am facing "the letting go stage of life" as this year my cancer came back for the fourth time and this time the tumor ended up on my bronchial tube. I've given up singing in church, talking on the phone very much, lost my hair, lost weight (that one was easy :) lost time with my family and friends due to not being able to travel as much as I like, lost my best friend of 35 years, realized I need to clean out my studio and let loose of all those quits stacked up and make sure they get into the hands of family and friends that will appreciate them. This all sounds overwhelming as I put it into words but I've really been finding some pleasure in the areas of gift giving. Giving to others and receciving from others has been such a positive to me during this difficult time, What a joy to see a little boy grab up his quilt and hug it and not let it go for hours or open a tope bag full of goodies you are going to need during chemo days from a group of loving women!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Karen, for opening up the flood gates of my heart on this subject. You are and have been been a beautiful creative muse for me and so many others and I praise the Lord for having you cross my path some almost 30 years ago in Aruba!
Sue, You have been given more than your fair share of health problems. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I think of the time I got to spend at your bed and breakfast often. What fun! Every time I saw Roxanne after that she would hug me and left me off the ground. It was amazing and a little terrifying. Sending lots and lots of love!
DeleteWe are moving after living in San Diego County for 65 years (we were both born here). I have been through the house 2x getting rid of things I don't love or never use. As I pack, I am getting rid of more. That hasn't been hard but giving up ministries in our church, thinking about not doing the things I love with the people I love here in a few months is hard. However, I keep focused on the new place, the fact that I will be in driving distance of my beautiful granddaughters, and living in an area where camping by a lake is 30 min. from the house. If I thought about what I will be losing-I don't think I could do it. Lovely heart quilt. Mindful post:)
ReplyDeleteElaine, I think you have the right idea. Think of what you are gaining instead of what you are losing. Sending love.
DeleteI am so sorry you are struggling right now. I hope you will pass through this difficult period with grace and come out the other side much stronger. Best wishes to you!
ReplyDeleteBTW, that is a lovely heart quilt!
Love the Mending the Broken Heart pictured above. For me I'm trying to work thru the emotional release of "stuff" gathered over my lifetime. Harder than I want it to be. Caring for my Mom thru the past 4 years and trying to accept the inevitable.
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