Prayers to the Moon: Living Fully with Intent

You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you have to make choices, and hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. -Fred Rogers

My mother-in-law's funeral keeps weighing on my mind. It bothered me that no one wanted to talk about her. The same occurred at my father-in-law's funeral. This cemented my belief that this family has an intense need to avoid death which probably does reflect our culture. I grew up with celebrating an entire person at their death--the good, the bad, the funny. Listening to the minister talk about my mother-in-law and in his defense he only knew her after Alzheimer's had taken her away, I wondered who he was speaking about. When he asked the family to give him words that described her, the list was not surprising to me (I think it might have for him)- "stubborn," (mine which was ignored), "talkative," and"intellectual." After the service, one of my brother-in-laws shared with me "opinionated" and I countered with "immovable." He agreed that once she had an opinion, it never changed. I certainly don't want to be remembered this way.

My mother-in-law also always saved things for later and unfortunately, later never happened. This struck me as I was continuing my spring cleaning efforts. I came across a 7" x 10" black paper journal that my friend Sharon gave me. I had put it aside nearly 10 years ago to use later and probably when I thought I could do something "special" with it. So last night I set myself a challenge to use the journal and limit it to black and white. I had been thinking about one of heARTist Trading Cards group's themes--Prayers to the Moon (one of my suggestions which always brings its own set of expectations- mine not the group's). I have been collecting moon facts for years but never have them all in one place so it became my first entry. It felt wonderful for so many reasons including getting rid of lots of little pieces of paper! And so I renew my vow to live with intent. What are you saving? And what are you saving it for?

A Quilt Comes Back: Bittersweeet

When my father-in-law died in 1997, I decided to make my mother-in-law a throw quilt. I imagined her curling up on the couch with it while she watched television. "Wrapped in love" was my thought. I made her a scrappy quilt-as-you-go quilt (53" x 70"). I was already concerned about her memory and suspected she was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. This was confirmed when I saw the photograph of her wrapped in the quilt. She has such a confused look on her face.

I should have realized that my mother-in-law would never consider using the quilt on the couch. She was very much a "quilts go on the bed" person and was always perplexed by my wall hangings. Anyway, a phone conversation a week after I gave her the quilt, she shared that the quilt fit perfectly on her childhood handmade bed where she had moved after my father-in-law died. She truly believed I had made it to go there. 

I am amazed at how well it has stood up to the many, many times it has been thrown into the washer and drier over the years. It is incredibly soft. This quilt was my touchstone with my mother-in-law. When she could not remember who I was, all I had to do was mention the quilt and we would connect. Having it returned was something I did not think would happen and it is bittersweet. Thanks to everyone for their messages of sympathy. They were appreciated.

Shattered

Alzheimer's is a devastating disease. It was painful for me and my family to watch my grandfather deteriorate. We must find a cure for this horrible disease. -David Hyde Pierce

My mother-in-law, Dorothy, died this morning of complications due to Alzheimer's. Her body forgot how to swallow. We got the news yesterday that she had slipped into a coma so when I heard expressed that she died quickly, it caused me to pause. Dorothy had not known anyone she loved for more than 10 years. With Alzheimer's you loose a person twice. Actually, thinking about it you loose the person you love a million times. My quilt, Shattered, was made in her honor. It's her hands in the middle with her son's, grandson's and my hands reaching out to her in love. She died the death she most feared- the death of her mother. I am just thankful for her that it's over.  

Shattered traveled with the Alzheimer's Art Quilt Initiative's exhibit Alzheimer's: Forgetting Piece by Piece exhibition for more than three years educating people on Alzheimer's and raising fund for research. Ami Simms, the director of AAQI, has done an incredible job inspiring quiltmakers to donate and purchase quilts to raise money for research. I took the $1,000 Promise and helped raise nearly $1,600.  The AAQI will be coming to an end soon. I remember when Ami called to give me the news. I am happy for her. So August 1 is the last day to donate a quilt. I hope you will join me in making a one or two. It's time to find a cure. Now go hug someone you love. I am.

Life Can Change Quickly

I want to think again of dangerous and noble things.
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbably beautiful and afraid of nothing,
as though I had wings.
-excerpt from "Starlings in Winter" by Mary Oliver

Late this afternoon I got word that my mother-in-law is dying. She has had Alzheimer's for more than 15 years and has not known any of her loved ones for more than 10. She is in hospice, in a coma and cannot swallow. Hopefully her passing will happen quickly. She is dying the death she most feared- the death of her mother.  I decided that I needed to concentrate on something so I decided to make my collage postcards for Postmark'd Art. When I finished, I realized that the cards reflected my mood (grey, yet hopeful) and that art does save. Make sure you hug someone you love tomorrow.